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Orangutans don’t all live in the zoo
By David Bradshaw
Contributor
Published October 30, 2009
Recently, I read a news story about an orangutan at the Smithsonian Zoo in Washington that had learned to whistle.
Scientists are all excited about this puckering primate’s musical abilities, believing that Bonnie, a 30-year-old who hails from Indonesia, may shed new light on the evolution of human speech. The National Science Foundation immediately applied for additional tax money to study this amazing development in more depth, and no doubt many new jobs will be created for all the primate whistling coaches whose careers have been stalled by the economic crisis.
The discovery of Bonnie, “the whistling orangutan” should come as no surprise to anyone. There have been orangutans in Washington for over 200 years, and no doubt many of them from both political parties have felt the urge to whistle during those long hours of adjournment, exotic vacations, and photo opportunities. Some even mastered the much higher cognitive ability of whistling, printing money, and looking straight into a TV camera simultaneously — an ability most other animals do not possess nor need.
Still, I was excited to read about this discovery. I love to whistle, and I was delighted to learn that I am not alone in that endeavor. But just when my American pride was welling-up inside me, I learned that another orangutan at a zoo in Heidelberg Germany had also begun to whistle at about the same time as Bonnie.
“Ujian”, the whistling virtuoso from Heidelberg has already released a CD, complete with human back-up singers and musicians. Proceeds from the sale of his debut album will go toward the renovation of the entire primate habitat at the German zoo.
How soon, I wondered, would Ujian appear on the Letterman Show? Has he considered a duet with Bonnie that might lead to gig on American Idol? Will either of them suffer the embarrassment of a “wardrobe malfunction”? How soon before they receive the Nobel Peace Prize? These are all interesting questions that I’m sure will be answered in due time, but I’m getting a little nervous.
It appears this phenomenon of whistling apes has begun to spread world-wide. Do these creatures know something about the future of our planet that we don’t?
On the other hand, the inspiration behind the music of these happy critters could be much less sinister.
Perhaps Bonnie, the American, has learned that she will be exempt from the government-run healthcare system that you and I will soon be forced to accept.
Maybe she’s read the reports in the mainstream media that the war in Iraq is winding down, or that the war in Afghanistan will soon turn a corner with only a handful of additional U.S. troops.
Maybe she’s been told that the war has not really spread to nuclear-armed Pakistan, that the fighting there is just a little civil uprising that the Pakistanis will handle.
Maybe she’s read the reports that the recession has ended. Maybe she’s happy with the government take-over of General Motors, AIG, big banks, and the insurance business.
Maybe she just got a piece of banana peal stuck between her teeth and made the sound accidentally. Who knows?
As for the whistling German ape, the answer is simple. He’s just happy to have discovered the joys of capitalism.
No doubt this 14-year-old entrepreneur worked hard, having to practice his talent for hours on end before cutting a record deal.
Now he’s happy that the fruits of all that hard work will finally pay-off. Now he can pay his own way, buy his own house, and send his kids to Juilliard.
Or, maybe he’s just happy he doesn’t live in a country where other apes are losing their freedoms, their opportunities, and their money. Who knows?
Perhaps we’ll have an answer by November 2010.
Dave Bradshaw is a featured columnist for The Paris News. E-mail him at redriverdave(at)koyote.com
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